Once upon a time there was a small town in the middle of the Himalayas. This town was hailed under the name of “Porkutopia”, inhabited by an entire self-sufficient population of cute little piggies. For many centuries the piggies lived in peace and harmony under their dictator Mr. Sprinkles, a powerful little piggy with the power of ‘hamvisibility’. He was able to spot a piggie with eagle-eye vision (which he liked to call pig-eye vision) with his uncanny supernatural power. This was used to spot nuclear warheads headed towards Porkutopia before shooting them down – for even though the Porkutopians were peace-loving, they still had their own enemies – such as the war-hungry town named “Fishland”, inhabited by the terrorizing cows. Everyone loved Mr. Sprinkles very much, for without him, the cows of Fishland would surely turn them all into bacon.
Everything was well, that was, until Mr. Sprinkles went completely insane with power.
He began secluding himself from everyone in his castle. His guards could hear him scream during the night. Soon, he developed a delusional syndrome where he imagined he saw potatoes with arms and legs running about, and became obsessed with them. It was truly a terrible time for the piggies of Porkutopia, however – Mr. Sprinkles could still manage to achieve his job in warhead-spotting.
Many piggies debated as to whether they should revolt and remove Mr. Sprinkles from his position or not. However, if they did, they would be completely defenseless against the terrorizing cows of Fishland.
Soon after, Mr. Sprinkles passed a decree that ordered by law that all piggies must wear shotguns mounted on their backs, triggered by a piece of nylon attached to one of their teeth – so that every time the piggie closed its mouth, it would fire out a blast. Everything went haywire - The piggies were condemned into taking a mouthful of gunpowder and pellets every time they had to eat, which was truly horrible for them.
This was until Mr. Sprinkles made the mistake of sending all the piggies with shotguns into the war-hungry town of Fishland and to begin a hundred year battle against the terrorizing cows. There were many dead and injured, but in the end the piggies won the battle and the war. This was a mistake Mr. Sprinkles made because the little piggies knew that they no longer needed their insane leader, for there was no further need to protect themselves from nuclear warheads after the mass genocide, causing the extinction of all terrorizing cows.
And so, the revolt began. All the villagers stormed into Mr. Sprinkles castle and burst through into the throne room. However, Mr. Sprinkles was never found. The piggies looked everywhere for him - All around the castle and all around town. They did find a note however.
In the note Mr. Sprinkles promised the villagers that they would all pay for high treason. Mr. Sprinkles stated that he was pregnant, and that he and his son together would create a new kingdom in order to launch a full scale, nuclear attack upon Porkutopia.
And so… Porkutopia was doomed.
True story...
Subject: Piggies with Shotguns 
Tue Jun 29, 2010 10:40 pm
